I remember how the arms of love make all the small pains disappear.

When removed, they return randomly inside
Flaring up and fading like fireflies at dusk.

Sooner or later we all find out the truth.
That maybe we weren't really loved.
​Maybe we were tolerated
A regular repository for semen.
Nobody's perfect, eh?

It's not the thought that counts
It's the action
Ask anyone
Your Dad
Dr. Phil
Oprah Winfrey
You can pack your bags
And never leave the house
Study an old Rand McNally Road Atlas
Picture a life
You don't have the courage to live
Kiss your pillow and avoid the girl
Have a shot of whiskey
Promise to try again tomorrow
But it only takes one small move
A little targeted effort
To set a new course
To loosen a knot
To back out of a dead end

a lot has changed in 5 years
and i want to tell you everything
everything i know
everything i knew
but now that i have your ear
it doesn't matter

what you wanted
what i wanted
​how close is close enough
can i sleep with you and your dog
in tear soaked sheets
i didn't plan to cry today
or reminisce about sweet suffocation
everything is relative to the suffering of Taylor Swift

You think a few soft touches will make me good as new
A little favor to make up for the con
But I still remember love
Filthy, dramatic, impossible love
syncronized swimming in tears
smiles that kept the sun burning just a little longer
angry silences that sliced up the nights
ironing out the deepest creases with laughter
convalescent kisses
security rope of arms and legs
Sundays on the couch
14 sweet layers gone wrong
off key harmonies
long drives passing through time
walking familiar paths and picking up shit
shopping and breakfast pizza
erotic rest stops and church parking lots
the ominous ocean at night
failed fires
and
​

No matter how far you run from trauma
it always catches up to you
1 step forward
2 steps back
trauma panting along side of you
“Remember? Here’s how it felt.”
(kicks you in the shin)
”Don’t get too comfortable.”

It’s so tempting
To have hope just because it’s summer
But summer never had hope for me
The sideways rain
And bad pedicures
The return of the chill
Reminds me of the look in your eyes when discussing July
Feeling the push on my back for months
foreboding the return of sadness
Frozen in a fetal position
until all traces of the sun go down
praying for justice
death of the liar
Protection of the vulnerable unborn

The djinn had sold him some new clothes
To cover the festering wounds of perceived torment
Whispered to him that no one would notice
That he could play the same games with new ones in the same places
So he repeated the formula
Dropping love bombs
Donning the mask of a self deprecating martyr
Showers of gifts
Long Beach, Ocean Shores, camping, Scrabble, sunset picnics
A new wall of postcards
Same pictures and poses from a photo booth with a new girl
“Let’s stop here and fuck”
But soon his rotting insides began to reach the outside
Until all of his skin reeked of the constant lies and dishonor
How he thought his new clothes would change everything
Make him into a decent man
Attract someone even better
But everyone could see the emperor had no clothes
Except the emperor
So he threw a tantrum and destroyed everything
Ran across the sea
The djinn had a good laugh

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love youI love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love youI love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love youI love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love youI love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you

(SQUISH)

Discard